The Last Day
by knives4cash
Summary: Team RWBY makes a plan. Hilarity ensues.


**A/N: **Now with a new ending!

* * *

A single, dim, overcast light illuminates the bunker. The cranky ventilation system goes well with the cool, steel walls and dusty surfaces. We haven't had to use the Bunker since the beginning of the fandom. I hope this is the last time we have to use it.

"Right, gentlemen!" Yang begins as she pins a faded map of Vale to the billboard. "We must come to the sad realization that our way of life is about to change!"

Weiss, Blake, and I take our seats. This is going to take a while.

And it is my lovely, sensible girlfriend who speaks first. "Yang, the fact that you insisted that we use the Bunker is a sign of your insanity. We are aware of the impending change, we just don't plan on overreacting about it with you."

"Sadly, love, I have to agree with Weiss on this one," Blake sighs as she wraps her trenchcoat tighter 'round her figure. "So let's make this brief. You always keep the Bunker at an insufferable temperature."

"I'd like to hear sis out on this one," I caution. "Go ahead, Yang. Why should we freak out?"

"Because VOLUME TWO is coming!" she reminds us, slamming a fist against the map. "We need to DO something!"

"Like wait for Volume Two to release?" Weiss scoffs.

Haha! Ahaha! Ha!

"Like act!" Yang corrects. "You don't get it. We had sixteen episodes. Three of them were devoted to blondie boy and his sappy love interest. And the last two were spent hyping up the Monochrome ship!"

"Sooo, you're saying we should all have our own shows?" Weiss theorizes.

Huh. I don't know about a show, but I've always wanted to do a children's book. With wolves. And grandmas. And big, burly lumberjack murderers.

"I'm saying that there's going to be at LEAST an eight-HUNDRED percent increase in plot and character development! All of our headcanons could be rendered stupid!" Yang reveals, waving her hands about and pointing to the map. "Enemies on the front! Enemies within! Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if one of US became an enemy!"

That's a little extreme. We're only halfway through the first season!

"The point is, ladies," Yang murmurs as she leans in, over the table, boobs being squeezed up.

Blake seems to notice the last part.

"We're in danger. In danger of a total, utter fandom collapse!" she wails as she collapses into her chair at the front of the table.

"I'm not following," Weiss confesses with a growing smirk. If there's one thing she finds amusing, besides my own antics, it's Yang's antics. Quality antics, the best for a comedic one-shot.

"Collapse!" Yang repeats. "The navy would be sunk! The art museums would be rented out to second-rate MODERN art museums that are JUST WINGING IT! The libraries would be filled with-" she halts, clutching her throat and gargling on her own consonants!

"Yang?! Yang, what?!" I demand. "Libraries filled with WHAT?!"

"Oh." Yang whispers. "Oh sees."

"No," Blake whispers, going rigid in her seat. "No, that can't be."

"It would be," Weiss realizes. "With the canon characters falling short of the fandoms' wishes, they would turn to the only other option, the most savage and barbaric form of storytelling."

"Original characters in an already established world," I acknowledge. "And would be overpowered and have no flaws, thus rendering them the lowest form of literary life."

"And even worse," Yang begins, slamming her hands down and clawing at the metal table. "We, the canon characters, would develop romantic relations with… THEM."

Dun dun DUUUUN!

"A fate worse than death," we collectively agree. "All canon characters in their realms fall victim to such a horrible demise."

"Now hold on, people," Yang warns as she assumes command with a tophat. Of all hats, a tophat. "Let's stay focused."

"Sure, sure, that's a good idea!" Weiss agrees as she starts jittering and clawing her fingers. "Let's just stay calm while our whole world falls apart!"

"Now is the time to ACT!" Yang reiterates. "After watching the Volume Two trailer, I can conclude that all of our unresolved plot points like Ruby's desire to be normal, Weiss's desire to-"

She pauses, looking at the heiress. "What DO you want, Weiss Schnee?"

And she starts bawling. "I DON'T KNOOOOW, MONTY HASN'T TOLD ME!"

Oh, the humanity! I must comfort this poor girl!

"There, there," I whisper as I hold her close as best I can due to the chairs having armrests. "I'm sure you'll get plenty of awesome fight scenes."

"But that won't resolve my daddy issues!" Weiss continues to cry, tears of ice and fire flowing from- what, that makes no sense.

"I want peace," Blake offers with realization. "That has to be simple enough!"

"You'd think that, kitty cat," Yang chuckles as she gives the girl a quick smooch. "But right now it looks like we're going to be thrown into this crazy gang war, so your desire for peace could become a means in which you destroy yourself."

"But the show has only JUST started! I can't die yet!" Blake debunks.

Ugh, and this is a small team effort! "At the rate they're writing and mo-capping, it'll take YEARS for our official characters to get anywhere! We might as WELL die!"

"This is why we shouldn't have done my daddy issues until season five or six!" Weiss gripes as she wipes her tears with the money we made from sponsoring Blue Cow.

"And now that you're all realizing just how boned we could be, I have a solution!" Yang cheerfully declares as she adds a monocle to her tophat. "We break away!"

"We break away?"

"Yep! We give up! We don't stick around for Volume Two to premiere!" she reveals with a chuckle as she pulls out a bundle of canes and starts tossing them to us.

"Where are we going?" Weiss asks as she takes up her cane.

"We go to a place filled with idiots, a place where authorities are SO stupid they wouldn't be able to search for us, and we could blend right in with all the idiots; and after a while we could use our intelligence to rise above them and enslave them!"

She pulls out a box of top hats and monocles. "But we need a disguise to sneak through the enemy! Here, get disguised," she orders as she starts handing out our bling.

"Where are we going? HOW are we going?" Blake asks.

"By airship, and we're going to the one place that the production team would NEVER think to look, because they believe its inhabitants are so stupid."

"And that would be?" I daringly ask.

Yang smirks as she removes her scroll, pulling up a Blue Army recruitment poster. "Taa-daa!"

Oh wow, that's absolutely genius.

Blood Gulch.


End file.
